can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize