I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
love makes seman taste better
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I am available for nakedness
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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