wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
