I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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