Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
