I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
