What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
