then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
