I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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