There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
