this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
