please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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