You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
