if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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