I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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