between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
