been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
