they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I can't put those talents on a resume
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
