the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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