its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
