Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
