The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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