I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
