You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
