it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
