I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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