everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
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I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
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If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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