I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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