I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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