Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
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I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
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I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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