whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
