He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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