you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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