you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
