Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
