I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
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I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
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There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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