How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
