My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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