he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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