Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize