And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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