so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
