3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
