Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
