hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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