Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
