my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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