Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
