You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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