I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
