Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
