his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
