Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
