Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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