i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I need water and some morals
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
