"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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