she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
