So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
