my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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