I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
