today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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