every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
