i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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