How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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