honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
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We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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