i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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