NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
