I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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