My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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