He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
