My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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