This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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