I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
