I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
