Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
